Anal sex… Some people love it. Some people are disgusted by the mere mention of it.
So is it really a special treat, or a very dangerous game that should be avoided at all costs?
The answer depends on who you ask and what their sexual preferences are. It’s not your place to judge another person nor is it another person’s right to judge your sexual preferences.
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Possible Complications Caused By Having Anal Sex
First, understand your anatomy. At the lower end of the bowel, there are two distinct circular bands of muscles called sphincters, one is located about an 1 ½ inches above the other. These clamp down tight to prevent the passage of feces or gas.
The mucous membrane which lines the rectum is not as heavy as the lining of the vagina, so it can tear quite easily, and it does not heal as quickly as the inner walls of the vagina. Because feces, loaded with bacteria, pass through the rectum any tears in the mucous membrane are vulnerable to infection.
The vigorous thrusting that may occur during anal intercourse can tear the mucous membrane.
What Can Happen If The Membrane Tears?
Tears in the mucous membrane of the rectum can develop into anal abscesses that can become infected.
Also, if your partner has any sexually transmitted infections (STI’s), then you could get infected through these tears.
Examples of sexually transmitted infections are: gonorrhea (treatable); venereal warts (treatable if external, difficult if up in the rectum); syphilis (treatable); herpes (treatment, no cure); yeast infection (treatable); and HIV and AIDS (treatment but no cure).
You do not want any of these STI’s.
Other Potential Problems Associated with Anal Sex
Some doctors claim that hemorrhoids (piles) could result from vigorous anal sex, and although I have no medical research to support this, I have heard people say that the rectum "gets sloppy", meaning it stretches more than it otherwise would.
However, I am dubious. If anal "sloppiness" was true, why wouldn’t this happen as a result of regular bowel movements? Since there is no definitive research on this, I’ll leave it up to you to decide how you feel about this.
Should You Have Anal Sex Anyway?
Well, according to Sue, the best prevention is to not go there at all!
But if you do decide to try anal sex, she suggests that both you and your partner talk about it and agree on the following points. And we absolutely agree with everything she says in this list.
* Your partner must be very, very gentle, absolutely no forced penetration and no vigorous thrusting.
* You must use lots and lots of good lubrication, (anal lube, not saliva).
* Your partner must use a condom…all the time, every time.
* Your partner must respect "stop". If you say ouch, or it hurts, or No or quit… they must stop immediately.
* It must be understood, if you do not want to have anal sex again, there will be no pressure, no threats and no pleading. NO means NO.
* Use a well-lubricated condom without spermicide, either on the sex toy or his penis. Spermicide can irritate the rectum.
* Never shift from anal sex back to vaginal sex without changing condoms. Feces can end up in the vagina and cause infections. And please wash your hands with soap and water after handling the dirty condom or you could still spread infectious material.
Just How Risky Is It?
Just How Risky Is It?
The problems that Sue mentions in her article are definitely possible, but not necessarily probable…
Like smoking, the risks are lower if you do it less often.
Chances are you’re not going to get lung cancer from smoking one pack of cigarettes. And as long as you’re careful when having anal sex, the chances of running into the problems that Sue mentions in her article are greatly reduced if you do it very carefully and only occasionally.
Keep in mind that the rectum is designed as an "out hole" - not an "in hole". Our advice is that if you are going to have anal sex, be very gentle and take it very slowly, use lots and lots of good quality lubrication, and save it as the occasional treat.
Don’t make it a regular activity that you do every day. Save it for special occasions.
Is It OK For Me To Talk My Partner Into Trying Anal Sex?
Like Sue, we get lots of questions from men wondering how they can "talk their girlfriend into having anal sex". She adamantly says that you should never try to convince your partner to have anal sex.
We think it could go either way. We all use the art of gentle persuasion a hundred times a day to convince our kids to clean their rooms, to convince our husband to take out the trash, to talk ourselves into going to the gym when we don’t always feel like it.
Persuasion is not always a bad thing. Sometimes we need a little encouragement to move past our fears and overcome our shyness.
We do, however, want to stress that no one should ever be forced or pressured into doing any sexual act that they’re not 100% comfortable with and willing to do.
Do not confuse gentle persuasion with force and coercion!
Talk to your partner, and figure out works well for both of you. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties involved - anal or otherwise.
Dear Ellie: I'm 43 and in a serious relationship with a lady who's 39. I've never been married. She's separated with one teenage daughter. One of my closest friends is female and previously rented a room in my house. We'd never dated. Now my current lady-friend thinks it's wrong that I have a female best friend. She's jealous, though my former tenant is at school in a different city and we only sporadically e-mail or phone each other. Meanwhile, though I rarely mention this friend, my girlfriend will regularly bring up her ex-husband and incidents/events they shared. This bothers me somewhat, but not enough to mention it. I'm her first boyfriend since she separated two years ago and I'm honest about my past relationships. How can I assure her that I'm committed to her without having to end a valued friendship?
Struggling
Dear Struggling: Your girlfriend is a "newbie" to singlehood, unfamiliar with the common pattern of longtime singles, to create a "family" of trusted friends. She's bounced from a long marriage to a serious relationship and, having a daughter, hasn't experienced much "alone" time when she needed platonic friends of the opposite sex. Explain the difference to her, and that family-type friends are not a threat to a committed relationship, any more than her ex should be. However, if her jealousy comes from insecurity carried over from her marriage, then she may not be ready for an intense new connection. In that case, you'd both be wise to cool your relationship for awhile.
Dear Ellie: My husband of one year is a night owl who's unable to wake up before noon. He works from home, starting his workday from 1 p.m., stops at 6 p.m. to spend the evening with me, and continues his day's work until 4 a.m. while I'm in bed. Our sex life suffers because I rarely get to spend a night with him. He sleeps in until 2 p.m. on weekends, while I'm up at 10 a.m. He's tried to adjust to my schedule but has always fallen back. I think he's lacking self-discipline and it's affecting our relationship.
Cold Bed
Dear Cold Bed: Countless shift workers have learned to deal with the problem of different sleep schedules in a family, and so can you two, if there's willingness for negotiation and compromise on both sides. Couples who actually want to have sex usually find a way. Since you don't mention children, it appears that the evening hours spent together offer time for romance. Throughout time, however, if you work regular hours and/or plan to raise kids, he must adjust enough to be a partner in the home. So far, you both sound like individuals who don't want to budge at all. Now that you've spent the first year of marriage each trying to win on this conflict, it's time to start working out an acceptable plan toward a new schedule and mutual tolerance.
Dear Ellie: My colleagues say that the office coordinator badmouths me. I have a senior job but depend on this woman for arrangements that affect my comfort level. Do I tell her off or let it lie?
Agitated
Dear Agitated: Some people use their small area of power to put others down. Disarm her with appreciation for the actual work she does, and by being clear about any of your needs that involve her. If the nastiness persists, say directly that it's unacceptable. Next, report incidents to her supervisor.
Dear Ellie: My husband of 25 years has been going to massage parlors during his lunch hour. He says it's only for massages and not for sex. I don't believe him. He'd agreed to stop but I soon found he hasn't. He's emotionally controlling and money-minded yet spends on massages. I'm forced to pay the mortgage and our son's education loan. Do I leave him?
Heartbroken
Dear Heartbroken: Your first move is to alert him to how seriously hurt, disappointed and angry you are. Your next move is to see a lawyer and learn your rights regarding the mortgage and the loan. You may find he's not thought about this while being massaged every day or that he's carefree because he's set up these debts with you as the responsible party. Accurate information will help you form your next move if he doesn't stop "parlor-hopping" - either to stop payments or boot him out.
E-mail Ellie at ellie@thestar.ca.
Several Democratic Florida lawmakers on Tuesday announced that they have proposed a bill that would require public schools in the state to include information about contraception and sexually transmitted infections in their health curriculum, the AP/Florida Times-Union reports. State law requires schools only to teach sexual abstinence and that there are "negative consequences" of becoming pregnant, according to the AP/Times-Union.
The new measure, sponsored by Sen. Ted Deutch (D), would require schools to teach abstinence as "the only certain way to avoid pregnancy" or STIs. It also would require that starting in the sixth grade, sex education classes teach about the health benefits and side effects of contraceptives. Supporters of the bill to require more comprehensive sex education have cited a recent survey by the University of Florida that found that sex education programs statewide vary significantly but often include limited information about sex.
The bill, which was filed last month, has not been assigned to a committee. If it were to make it through the Senate committee process, it could be voted on during the regular legislative session in March and April. State Rep. Dorothy Bendross-Mindingall (D) has filed a companion bill in the House.
Comments
Deutch said that abstinence is "the important message to start," adding, "However, it's not simply enough to ... hope that's the only message that's necessary." Sex "is a topic that's being discussed in our schools, on the playground, in the cafeteria, ... in movie theater lobbies, ... in the magazines and on TV," Deutch said, adding, "The only place that it's not being discussed right now is the place where it can really make a difference, and that's in our classrooms."
Valerie Huber, executive director of the National Abstinence Education Association, said that the language of the "bill seems to imply that abstinence education is a narrow 'just say no' message" but that the programs are "much more holistic." She added that the programs provide "education and information on making good decisions." According to Huber, comprehensive sex education programs often preface their teaching with abstinence statements and quickly become focused on contraception (Royse, AP/Florida Times-Union, 1/8).
Reprinted with kind permission from http://www.nationalpartnership.org. You can view the entire Daily Women's Health Policy Report, search the archives, or sign up for email delivery here. The Daily Women's Health Policy Report is a free service of the National Partnership for Women & Families, published by The Advisory Board Company.
Like most teenage girls, Cheryl Tunney is a fan of boy bands, likes chatting to friends on the internet and going out.
However, the unemployed 18-year-old admits to another, horrifying, "hobby".
Since losing her virginity at 16, this young girl claims to have had sex with at least 50 men she picked up on the internet.
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She confesses to not using condoms or other contraceptives during many of her sexual encounters with strangers and claims most were "over in a minute".
Miss Tunney, from Dagenham, Essex, can give the first names of 36 of her partners but the rest have been forgotten - or never known.
She explains with a shrug: "When you sleep with so many, you kind of lose count."
The appalling picture of soulless - and reckless - promiscuity among Britain's youth was revealed in a BBC3 documentary series last night.
In Sex ..... With Mum and Dad, Miss Tunney confesses her sexual tally to her shocked mother, Debbie, but insisted that many girls of her age "slept around", adding: "Girls around here do it all the time."
A revealing picture of Cheryl Tunney on an internet social networking site
The youngster told her 45-year-old mother, who is separated from Cheryl's father, how she picked up men, including a drug dealer, by trawling online dating and networking sites in internet cafes.
Miss Tunney's own listing on Britain's most popular social network website, Bebo, which has 11 million users, most of them teenagers, shows her posing suggestively in a bikini.
Her description of herself tells its own story: "hiya every! my names cheryl im 17 frm essex. im a big mcfly fan as u guessed bt i also like rnb and hip hop. i easy going so if ya wana chat message me and i will reply. luv ya all x x x"
She has 249 "friends" listed - most of them men - including "Jordan" who messaged her to say "yer bbz [babes] your bangin, idd shag ya add me if ya intrested" and Squeak who tells her "hey your hot".
In the documentary, which brings children and parents together for a frank discussion about sex in a bid to mend relationships between the generations, the teenager admitted that some internet contacts asked her to have sex without preamble.
One simply asked: "Do you want to meet for a sh*g?" but she claimed she often made dates and then stood the men up.
Miss Tunney said: "I stated using dating sites with my friends at about the age of 14. We would bunk off school and go to the internet cafe and just flirt with boys online.
"The first time I went to meet one of them we were both 14, but my mum went along with me. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 16 but I have now had about 50 partners."
Miss Tunney added: "That does seem quite a lot in two years."
Ms Tunney has said she will no longer visit internet dating sites
In a televised confrontation with her mother, the teenager drew a series of stick men to represent her dozens of partners and appeared shocked when Debbie Tunney revealed she had only had three sexual partners in her life.
The 18-year-old said: "We had to write our numbers on a board for the show and the initial for each partner's name. I couldn't believe my mum had only had sex with three men.
"It made my number seem really high and it was worse because I could only remember about 40 of their names. I have decided not to sleep around any more."
Astonishingly, given her admission that she did not always use condoms, the young woman tested negative for sexually transmitted diseases.
She said: "That is so weird. How did that happen?"
During sessions with Dutch sexologist Maria Schopman, Miss Tunney claimed she was promiscuous because she was lonely after her parents split up three years ago and was unable to talk about her feelings.
Mother and daughter say they have no regrets about revealing such intimate details on the show but Miss Tunney admitted she was slightly 'nervous' about the reaction.
She said: "I am nervous - I don't want people to think badly of me - but the show had quite a positive effect on me and my relationship with my mum.
"She still doesn't want me sleeping with lots of men and I don't want to, so we get on a lot better.
"I haven't been near an internet dating site since filming the programme. I now want to concentrate on my life an my future and try to make a career in hairdressing."
