A sex and relationship psychologist, Dr. Petra Boynton, is giving women five advice for better sex life.
1. Concentrate on quality rather than quantity. Celebrities are NOT having sex a bunch of time each day. Did you know that an average person make love once a week or less? Explore your erogenous zones, from your toes to your clitoris.
2. Life outside of the bedroom is the main reason why there might be a problem in the bedroom. Women with more time for relaxing have a much better sex life. Try to find time to relax.
3. Shortage of confidence is also a major reason why there might be a problem in your sex life. Work on your confidence and you will feel the urge to get intimate with your partner.
4. Many women are not sure what gets them “horny” or they know but are ashamed to tell their partners. By masturbating you can explore your own body and see what you like and then tell your partner.
5. Condoms are new/old sex toys. Their different tastes can make women exited.
No matter how adorable she looks in sweats or how comfortable she is in flannel pajamas or maybe she wears lingerie for you…but it’s the same stuff you’ve seen a hundred times, you are dying to see her in something a little more racy. Yeah she still gets you hot whatever she wears…or doesn’t wear; you are just craving something different.
So what do you do? Do you risk telling her you are bored with her choice of bedtime attire and risk hurting her feelings…or worse, making her angry? Or do you take matters into your own hands and go on a shopping trip?
Obviously you are going on a shopping trip. But where do you start? What should you buy? What size should you get?
First of all you have to envision the things your woman likes and wears so you can get an idea of what colors and styles she likes. For instance a woman who likes basic solid color clothing probably would not be thrilled if you brought home some funky animal print teddy. Nor would a woman who prefers bold and dark colors like blood red, purple, midnight blue, or black be very happy with some pale pink frou-frou nightie. A conservative woman might be a little embarrassed if you expected her to wear a short latex skirt and tube top.
But if she’s into latex, leather, bold animal prints and wilder, revealing clothing than by all means get her something risqué.
You also want to consider styles. You want to give her something that will make her feel beautiful and sexy not over exposed or self-conscious. Babydolls are a good choice because many body types look good in them. They are simultaneously sexy and flattering. Teddies and long classic gowns are also good choices.
If she’s a little more adventurous you might want to try a body stocking. They are very stretchy (you don’t have to worry about size, they are usually one size fits most) and somehow flatter most body styles and many men seem to find them extremely erotic. If you are not sure what a body stocking is, look it up online, and find one on a woman, not a mannequin or just a shot of the body stocking. You’ll want the full affect. Trust me.
The most important thing you need to know though is what size she wears. Nothing can upset a woman and kill the mood faster than the wrong size. If it is too big she’ll think that you think she’s fat. If it is too small one part of her will be flattered that you were thinking she is smaller than she is but the other part of her will be pissed because you’re a moron and you got her the wrong size and now she can’t wear it for you.
Never guess when it comes to sizes. If you don’t have a clue you need to find out. The easiest though not so subtle way will be to come out and ask her. If you want the lingerie to be a surprise this is probably not the way to go because if she is like many women one simple question will lead to an interrogation of why you need to know what size she wears. You could always ask her sister, mother, or best friend if you are close enough and open enough about matters like that. I know when my husband wanted to get me lingerie he called my best friend because he was completely clueless as to what size to get.
The next best thing is to sneak into her underwear drawer and scout out the size tags on her most intimate attire. Hopefully she’s not obsessed with removing the tags from everything. Look for sizes on her underwear usually a number like 5, 7, 8 and so one. Some may just say S, M, or L for small, medium and large. Scout out a few pair to get a good idea if there are various sizes in the drawer. Also make sure you are looking at something you have seen her wear recently. Ladies tend to hold onto lots of clothing, even something that has gotten too small because they plan to lose weight and get back into it. You will also want a bra size -these magic codes are usually a number and a letter like 36 B or 38 D.
If she has any other lingerie in the drawer or closet like teddies, nightgowns, and what not try to find sizes on those as well. Those are the golden numbers if you plan to get her something in a similar style.
Now that you have her sizes write everything down so you don’t forget.
What’s next? You get to shop, but where? There are so many lingerie and adult stores on the Web it is unreal. You are bound to get bogged down and overwhelmed by all the choices and selections. Plus you won’t get personalized service or have the experience of being able to touch the fabrics. Being able to feel the fabric of lingerie is a great thing.
The Web can be a great place to get ideas but if you want to get this right shopping in a store with trained sales staff to help you make a good selection may be a better choice. These ladies are often skilled at picking out something that would be absolutely perfect. Believe me when it comes to lingerie you may need another woman’s help.
There is always Victoria Secret. There is one in most shopping malls. Victoria’s Secret might not exactly be your choice or even her style. Most department stores have lingerie sections with very helpful staff that can help you find something just right.
Do you want something a little sexier than the gowns and teddies available in regular department stores? How about Frederick’s of Hollywood or Lover’s Lane? They both carry a wide variety of lingerie from simple and sexy gowns to exotic costumes, dance wear, corsets and thongs even sexy stockings, shoes, and boots. Lover’s Lane also carries massage oils, lotions, lubricants and items for couples if you are considering including some accessories in the mix. (I would never recommend giving a woman a sex toy as a gift though, that’s a can of worms you might not want to open unless you are absolutely sure she’s into that type of thing).
So you’ve scrolled through the sites online and found some things that may rock your world but you are convinced she’d never wear them. You’ve taken trips to several stores and didn’t find anything that really stood out or else there was so much to choose from you became completely overwhelmed and scared you were going to buy the wrong thing.
I’d say trust your gut and go for it, just buy her something and get it gift wrapped nice and pretty. Women love pretty packages.
If you still can’t bring yourself to purchasing something the next best thing is to buy her some other type of gift, then take her on a “surprise” shopping trip to a lingerie store and the two of you can pick out something sexy together. This might even be the better choice because she’ll let you know what she’d wear and what she likes so there is no way you’ll get the wrong thing. Plus you might even want to pick out some other fun stuff while you are there. Shopping together could really add some spice to your love life.
Oh and be sure to take mental notes while you’re there so the next time you want to buy her something kinky you’ll have a much better idea of what she’ll wear and what size to get it in.
© 2008 Roxanne Rhoads
Roxanne Rhoads is a freelance writer, erotica author, poet, and editor She writes everything from articles to web content. She is interested in all things sexual so her writing focuses mainly on topics involving sex including; erotic fiction and poetry, how to articles, product reviews, female sexuality, and female sexual rights. A sexual connoisseur and creature of the night, She is an outwardly quiet person who best expresses herself with the written word. If she wants you to know or believe something about her it will appear in her writing. A lady must always have secrets and she guards hers closely. A voyeur at heart she lurks in the shadows learning the secrets of others while she remains a mystery.
Roxanne's writing has appeared in Playgirl Magazine, on Tit-elation.com, JustusRoux.com, Oysters and Chocolate (Online) and The Erotic Woman (Online). You can learn more about her at Roxanne's Realm, My Space and her group for erotica readers and writers, Erotica Lovers.
According to North American sex therapists, satisfactory sexual intercourse for couples lasts from just 3 to 13 minutes, contrary to the popular fantasy about good lovemaking requiring hours of sexual activity. Penn State researchers Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani based this finding on a survey of members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, which includes psychologists, physicians and marriage therapists.
The therapists rated a range of time intervals for sexual intercourse, from penetration of the vagina by the penis until ejaculation, that they considered adequate, desirable, too short and too long. The therapists' responses revealed the following ranges of intercourse activity times:
* Too short - 1-2 minutes
* Adequate - 3-7 minutes
* Desirable - 7-13 minutes
* Too long - 10-30 minutes
"Unfortunately, today's popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse," the researchers reported in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Interestingly, past research had found that a large percentage of men and women wanted sex to last 30 minutes or longer. "This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction," said lead author Corty. "With this survey, we hope to dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions."
The survey also has implications for the treatment of people with existing sexual problems. "If a patient is concerned about how long intercourse should last, these data can help shift the patient away from a concern about physical disorders and to be initially treated with counseling, instead of medicine," Corty said.
The flutter of eyelashes, the sparkling smile, the chuckle after a lame joke - nothing will help you entice the attention of the man you desire, not because you're doing it wrongly, but because your male interest can't understand the signals.
According to a new research, men are blind to the subtle seduction techniques of the opposite sex.
The study suggests that apart from pouncing on the object of her lust, a woman's non-verbal signals of sexual interest often prove sadly lost on the young male brain.
In the study of nearly 300 undergraduates of both sexes, researchers at Indiana University tested students' abilities to spot a come-on.
The students were asked to view images of women and categorise them as friendly, sexually interested, sad or rejecting.
Each undergraduate reported on 280 photographs, which had been sorted into the four categories based on surveys by different groups of students.
Male students scored worse for accuracy than females - and they were particularly confused by amiability and amorousness. The men commonly mistook women's sexual signals as merely friendly and were prone to see friendliness as a blatant advance.
According to the researchers, rather than going through life thinking, "She wants me", men often find themselves trying to navigate a foreign world of social signals without a phrasebook.
"Women are fluent in body language, men just have the gift of the grab," the Telegraph quoted Kathy Lette, the best-selling author, as saying.
"It is really confusing for women. The average bloke either doesn't realise that we fancy them until we are giving birth to their children in the labour ward; or he presumes all women fancy him all the time.
"God was playing some kind of prank when he developed two sexes," she added.
But the research does not mean that women might as well ditch the lipstick. Not all flirting gets lost in translation.
"These are average differences. Some men are very skilled in reading clues," said Coreen Ferris, the lead researcher.
The study is published in Psychological Science.
