By Kathryn Jean Lopez
In a season just past that’s all about a virgin birth, the Washington Post decided to play Scrooge. Virginity pledges don’t work, an article in that paper recently proclaimed, citing a study packed with the usual hyperbole: abstinence talk is for adults living in a sexless fantasy land! When it comes to kids it’s all about sex, and those silly folks who pretend otherwise are making our kids sick and pregnant.
“Taking a pledge doesn’t seem to make any difference at all in any sexual behavior,” researcher Janet E. Rosenbaum of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health told the Post. “But it does seem to make a difference in condom use and other forms of birth control that is quite striking.”
An official from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy led the charge in what turned out to be an orgy of abstinence bashing on the Post’s part: “This study again raises the issue of why the federal government is continuing to invest in abstinence-only programs,” she fumed. These folks miss something fundamental: a virginity pledge is more than abstinence education – it’s a promise.
The National Abstinence Education Association disputed the whole premise of the study, using this obvious tack. Its executive director, Valerie Huber, remarked to me in an e-mail interview: “The author inaccurately equates the holistic breadth of an abstinence education program to the one-time event of a virginity pledge. A pledge and an abstinence program are not synonymous.”
But the problem goes beyond lumping in a simple, cut-and-dried oath with the complicated issue of abstinence education. The conundrum boils down to this: it’s not all about sex. It’s no shock to anyone who understands human nature, never mind kids, that any virginity pledge that fixates on brute carnal relations is not going to work. Repeating the mantra “Don’t do it,” even when you’ve got a teen doing the repeating, isn’t enough. How could it work? Popular culture is obsessed with sex. We can’t even manage a family dog movie (“Marley & Me”) without Jennifer Aniston taking off her clothes. And until that changes, of course, a hormone-mad teenager will be sorely tempted to join in the seemingly ubiquitous fornication, pledge or no pledge.
Does that mean we pass out condoms at school because we’re not going to change the culture anytime soon? No. It means kids need support and reasons engage in activities other than sex. Abstinence has to be about saying “yes” to something in order to work. We need to focus on the idea that kids can actually think, and should want more from a relationship than sex. We need to be open to programs that aren’t all about copulation, but about character education.
Because, as Huber and others have noted, building strong lines of parent-child communication while developing and maintaining a sturdy ethical core helps kids immensely when it comes to keeping their pants on.
Meet a child in the Best Friends program, and you’ll see what I mean. An abstinence-education program aimed at inner-city kids, Best Friends adheres to a program that’s met with resounding success. By emphasizing the wealth of activities available to today’s youth, with a special focus on fun and constructive, communal activities, Best Friends can deliver a message that sticks.
Some studies suggest that early premarital sex leads to all sorts of problems, including later divorce. But common sense suggests this as well, and programs like Best Friends teach that sort of thinking – along with a healthy dose of self-respect. Acting responsibly and waiting for a committed, loving relationship pays dividends down the line. And the more examples kids have of successful marriages, the more likely they are to put off sex until after the nuptials.
Forever ingrained in my mind is a scene from 2007’s hit film “Juno,” in which the titular teen, who has recently learned that she’s pregnant, enters an abortion clinic and is offered flavored condoms by a distant receptionist. Once the troublesome baby bump is taken care of, the assumption is, Juno will return to the activities that landed her in the situation to begin with. But this time she’ll be safe! The scene was a great example of the way we handle sex in popular culture and schools: teen sex and teen bodies are problems to be managed and then ignored. Why should teens respect themselves when we don’t respect them?
Family, religion, and yes, abstinence-education programs that focus on character development address this very problem. They treat teens as people – complicated souls who deserve fulfillment and happiness. Contrary to the common caricature, we conservatives don’t hate sex. It’s out of respect for this great gift that we want to teach a respect for it, marriage, and the individual.
Written by newsUSA
San Diego, California - Today, many couples are experiencing what is known as the "sexless marriage," or a marriage in which a couple has sex only a few times each year. But what many of these couples fail to realize is that they are missing out on the benefits that sex provides, not only for reasons of emotional intimacy, but also for its physical benefits.
Sexless marriages are neither normal nor inevitable. Setting aside time for intimacy works for some couples, while others find help from all-natural sex aids, like Magic Power Coffee (magicpowercoffee.com) or Viagra. But if you are looking for additional motivation in the bedroom, simply recall the benefits a healthy sex life can provide that will keep you feeling youthful, longer:
- Weight control. Sex can burn 84 calories in 30 minutes, while also improving heart and muscle strength, flexibility and muscle tone. Having regular sex can be used as a tool for couples who are looking to shed pounds or maintain a healthy weight.
- Pain relief. Before popping another aspirin, think about hopping into bed. Sex naturally releases endorphins and corticosteroids, which can help relieve pain from migraines, menstrual cramps and chronic back problems.
- Better sleep. Making love can help insomniacs fall asleep, and it's certainly more fun than counting sheep or keeping you partner awake as you toss and turn. Getting enough sleep carries its own health benefits, including healthy weight and blood pressure.
- Stress relief. Sex lowers both blood pressure and overall stress. In a study reported in the journal Biological Psychology, individuals who had intercourse performed better in high-stress situations like public speaking and verbal arithmetic.
- Reduces prostate cancer risk. An Australian study, reported in the British Journal of Urology International, found that 20-something men who led healthy sex lives were less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.
PEOPLE who skip breakfast tend to lose their virginity earlier, according to researchers in Japan.
In a study of 3000 people, those who did not regularly eat breakfast in their early teens said they lost their virginity at an average age of 17.5, versus an overall average age of 19 for all Japanese.
Those who had a morning meal when they were younger had their first sexual experience at 19.4 years.
The study, backed by Japan's health ministry, was aimed at finding ways to curb unwanted pregnancies. It concluded that a stable home life discouraged early sex.
"Those unhappy with their parents - such as for not preparing breakfast - may tend to find a way to release their frustration by having sex," said Kunio Kitamura, head of the Japan Family Planning Association who led the research.
"If children don't feel comfortable in their family environment, they tend to go out."
Young people who start having sex early tended to miss breakfast because they return home late, he said.
Japan has one of the world's lowest birthrates as more young people put off starting families, finding them a burden on their careers or lifestyles.
The survey also found that nearly 40 per cent of married couples had not had sex in more than a month.
Respondents said they were too tired because of work or found sex to be a pain, according to the study.
London, March 13 : Ever wondered what really makes the perfect woman? Well, according to a new poll, a man's ideal woman is blonde, beautiful, brilliant in bed, and one who loves sport.
More than 66,000 men voted in the poll for ukdating.com, which resulted in the creation of the perfect woman, who can be dubbed as a cross between the Bionic Woman and Mother Teresa.
The most important attribute for those polled was blue eyes, followed by blonde hair.
The third most attractive characteristic in a woman was her occasional appearance wearing spectacles.
The poll also showed that for men, the perfect mate would weigh nine-and-a-half stone, stand at around 5ft 8in and be a curvy size 12.
Most men voted for women earning between 10,000-25,000 pounds a year, working in either nursing or PR.
The poll also revealed that men preferred women who live on their own, have a wacky personality, and are 'good in bed.'
The ideal woman should also have her own car, the favoured makes being a Ford Ka or a Mazda MX5 and enjoy regular trips to nightclubs, pubs and restaurants.
It is also important that she loves pets, is a non-smoker, and only drinks alcohol occasionally, the poll showed.
"While the old adage 'Gentlemen prefer Blondes' still holds true today, it's interesting to note that in this world of size zeros and calorie counting, men are more interested in height than weight, and prefer a medium build girl to a skinny girl," The Sun quoted David Brown, managing director of www.ukdating.com, as saying.
"This research just goes to show that men are as selective with their choice of date as women are, and know exactly what they want," he added.
