A few months ago, I was talking to my new sex partner about what I liked in bed. “I like it a little rough,” I said, “You know, some hair pulling and some smacks on my butt while we’re having sex.”
He sat and pondered this and said, “Have you ever been bent over someone’s knee and spanked?”
Shocked, I exclaimed, “No!”
“Do you wanna try?” he offered.
I stared at him in astonishment.
He smiled and gestured at his lap. He wanted me to assume the position – right now!
My first instinct was to say no thanks – it was silly and weird! But then I reminded myself that I’m a self-proclaimed “trysexual,” so I decided to give it a go.
I lowered my pants, eyeballed him, then draped myself across his lap. He went slow, but he spanked me until my cheeks were pink. And they weren’t the only thing glowing. Turns out I liked it.
National Fetish Day
So how do you go about exploring BDSM and fetishes?
Everyone Has a Fetish
First, you have to come to terms with the fact that everyone is a pervert. That’s right – just like how everyone poops, every adult you know is secretly harboring their own brand of kink. Some never utter what truly excites them out loud. Some never share it with their partner. The poor dears are afraid of freaking people out.
It would be nice if there was a national coming out day for fantasies, a day where every person would put it right out there on the table and acknowledge their turn ons, As in, “Hello, my name is Lucy, and I have a thing for werewolves.” (At this point, my list of kinks looks like a dinner party grocery list.)
Believe me, even the most conservative person has something that titillates them. They tend to feel more ashamed and repress the feelings even more, then take it out on other people. This makes them seem mean, but really they’re just scared and frustrated. A nice spanking would probably do them wonders.
Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, How Does Your Fetish Grow?
I’m a big fan of taking baby steps. If you have a partner, plant a little seed and then back off. Don’t tell them, “I want to host an orgy.” Instead, say something like, “Wouldn’t it be hot if there was someone over there in the corner watching us have sex?” or “I think watching two girls kiss is completely sexy – if you had to pick a female celebrity to make out with, who would you choose, honey?”
Until your partner is more comfortable, always include them in your fantasy scenario. If you don’t, they will feel threatened and alienated. You want them to feel like they’re a part of this intimate thing you are sharing, a partner in crime, if you will. Be patient with them – give them time to digest the idea, and slowly up the ante when the timing seems right.
It’s even better to own up to your kinky fantasy if you’re single, and here’s why – you have the opportunity to put it out on the table from the beginning, which is a lot easier than springing it on someone later.
Yep, I challenge you – on the second or third date, tell her that you like wearing women’s underwear. Tell him you used to play Burglar with your girlfriends during sleepovers. This has worked wonders for me. Oh sure, I’ve scared plenty of people off, but I didn’t fake my way into a relationship, which pretty much dooms its chances of being a happy, open and honest situation.
Are You Ready to Come Out?
Sure you are! You can start by going online and searching for the things that turn you on. The one thing I’ve heard over and over again from loads of people is: “Thank God for the internet. I’m not the only one.” Join an online community – it feels great to be able to let down your guard and talk openly about what you like, even if it is anonymous.
Next, try it out on a trusted friend, the kind of friend who would pick you up at 3am if your car broke down, or bring you a care package of cold syrup and cough drops if you were home sick fighting a monster cold.
Finally, share it with the person you are closest to – you know, the one you live or sleep with. I hear a lot of people claim that they married their best friend, but a best friend in my book is someone you can share EVERYTHING with. As in, no secrets. So just do it already.
A Invaluable Tool
Not able to pinpoint exactly what gets you excited? That’s understandable – you’ve had to keep a lid on it for as long as you can remember. A great way to find out what you like (LOVE!) is to fill out a BDSM checklist. You can find several versions on the internet, but the ones I’ve seen have been limiting or incomplete in my opinion. So I’ve created my own ultimate BDSM fetish checklist. You can easily copy and paste it into a word processing program, or print it out.
Take your time filling it out, chip away at it. Your first pass through it will not be the most accurate. A great next step is to have a friend or your partner fill it out, then compare them. I guarantee when you see someone else’s, you’ll want to go back and add to yours, or change some of the answers to be more honest. (You might also want to fill it out again in a few months and see how the answers have changed.)
How does yours compare to theirs? Are they similar? Are they opposite? If you’re comparing to your partner’s list, how can you incorporate some of these new ideas into your routine? For instance, who knew that you both had a thing for latex? This calls for a trip to the party supply store! Or medical supply store, depending on the kind of latex.
Yes, your journey towards bringing out your inner pervert has begun – congratulations! You’re replacing society’s blindfold and gag with a kind that is much more rewarding and fun.
Can you really be a good husband AND a great lover?
Remember that she was your wife before she was ‘mom’.
Married couples and especially new parents often forget this very important fact. You were couple before you were parents.
Your biggest responsibility as parents is to love your children and provide a stable home.
You can’t do that if you’re divorced.
Watch this short video
Make Time For Your Relationship First
I know you’re exhausted. I know you’re tired. You’ve had a really long day.
But it’s critical to your relationship whether it’s two weeks older 20 years old, to make time for one another and to nurture your relationship. Schedule some time to just be together, whether its first thing in the morning, a nice lunch, or some quite couple time before you drift off to sleep, couple time is very important.
It doesn’t make you bad parents if you get a babysitter once a week so that you and your partner can go out on a nice, intimate, romantic date. As a matter of fact, it may even make you better parents. Parents who actually stay together. Parents who are able to give fully to their children because they feel nurtured and loved as an individual.
Teach your children now what it means to be a well balanced individual. Don’t let them grow up thinking that they have to sacrifice everything to become parents. Just because that’s what your parents may have done, does not mean that’s what you have to do.
Don’t forget why you became a couple in the first place.
Remember the things that you used to say to one another and the things you used to do for one another when you first started dating…
Now start doing them again!
Remind Her How Sexy She Is To You
It’s really easy for a "mom" to start thinking of herself only as a mom and to forget that deep down in there somewhere is the sexy vicious woman that she used to be. It’s very important for a man to lead his woman note that he still thinks she’s sexy and that he still thinks of her as a wife and not just a mom.
Little things go a long way with women. Flirt with her. Let her know that you still think she’s attractive. Ask her out on a date - one that you planned to surprise her.
Don’t take your time together for granted. Treat every day with your wife as if it were the last day on earth. All we very have in life is this moment so live in the present. Not yesterday - it’s already gone. Not tomorrow - it may never come. Be the best partner and parent that you can possibly be - today.
Our best advice for a long term, successful relationship is to live it one day at a time. If you can say before you go to bed each night "I want to see you again tomorrow", then you’re well on your way to a life long relationship.
A US woman was arrested this week after she allegedly tried to hire a hitman to murder her married lover's wife by posting an ad on the popular website craigslist, law enforcement officials said Sunday.
Anne Marie, 48, from Grand Rapids, Michigan offered www.craigslist.org users the chance to kill Carol, a 56-year-old woman in California, in a vaguely worded free ad under the category of "Freelance," according to court documents.
Two women and one man responded to the ad, with at least one applicant believing it to be an offer for freelance writing work. During subsequent emails, Anne Marie divulged that the task was actually a hit.
"Marie informed (one of the people who responded) that she was looking for 'silent assassins' and she asked him to eradicate a targeted victim," offered 5,000 dollars for the job and provided the address, name, age and occupation of the man's wife.
"Asked what she meant by 'eradicate,' Anne Marie said 'Duh. Well to have her killed," the court documents said.
The woman, who also goes by the name Anne Marie Linscott, was charged with three counts relating to murder for hire and using interstate commerce to commit a felony.
"This complex investigation was initiated in November 2007 and we have been very concerned for the well being of the victim," said Butte County Sheriff Perry Reniff, according to a statement released by the Sacramento FBI.
The potential victim's husband "acknowledged meeting Linscott through an on-line college course in 2004 or 2005," and said "he and Linscott developed a very deep and intimate online relationship," the FBI statement said.
The pair met for sex on at least two separate occasions in 2005 and 2007, and "have continued to communicate via telephone and email."
Asked by law enforcement officials how she would feel if her target were murdered by a respondee on craigslist, the suspect "stated she would be scared that law enforcement would track it back to her," court documents said.
A British woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands and tried to swallow it has been jailed.
Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.
She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out.
A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."
Monti admitted wounding and was jailed for two-and-a-half years.
Sentencing Monti, Judge Charles James said it was "a very serious injury" and that Monti was not acting in self-defence.
The court heard that Mr Jones had ended his long-term but "open relationship" with Monti towards the end of May last year.
The pair remained on good terms and on 30 May she picked him up from a party in Crosby and went back for drinks with friends at Mr Jones's house.
An argument ensued and Mr Jones said there was a struggle between them.
In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and "pulled hard".
He added: "That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain."
The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones's testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it.
She choked and spat it back into her hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones.
Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.
In a letter to the court, Monti said she was sorry for what she had done.
She said: "It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person."
The letter added: "I have challenged myself to explain what has happened but still I just cannot remember. This has caused much anguish to me and will do for the rest of my life."
After being married for a while, many couples find themselves in a situation where one partner feels angry, hurt, and/or resentful toward the other.
They feel that they’re the only one who’s made sacrifices for the relationship, that they gave up their dreams, so that their partner could succeed.
Is it possible to overcome these feelings of resentment and move forward to have a loving and caring relationship?
Watch this short video
All The Things I Gave Up…
We often choose to ‘give up’ certain things in our lives for the ones we love.
They don’t force us to give them up, and because of this, it’s not fair to blame our partners, or anyone else, for the decisions that we make or for the things that we choose to give up.
Making sacrifices for those we love is a very admirable thing to do, and most of us do it because we want what is best for our loved ones.
Of course ‘give up’ is an interesting, and often misleading, phrase to use when referring to something in a relationship.
What ‘give up’ really means is that we’ve chosen to do something (or to not do something) in order to make our partners happy rather than to make ourselves happy.
Then we try to blame them because we’re unhappy with our decisions!
Parents are particularly notorious for this one, often saying things like, "All the things I gave up for you, and this is how you repay me!"
We did not ask our parents to change their lives or to give up their dreams for us, and yet many parents somehow blame their children for their own misery.
How Silly Is That?
We all make decisions every day that determine how we live our lives and whether or not we pursue our dreams - whether or not we’re happy.
Happiness is a choice.
We are not victims of circumstance, though many of us would like to believe that we are. If we were victims of circumstance then we wouldn’t have to take responsibility for our own lives. How convenient…
On the other hand, if we actually do take responsibility for our decisions and our happiness, then we have to own up to the fact that we are ultimately responsible for our own misery as well.
Unspoken Expectations
What normally happens in a relationship is that the moment we make decisions for the good of our partners rather than ourselves we create certain expectations for how our partners will react as a result of our ’sacrifice’.
Essentially our partner’s positive reaction to our self-negating behavior is the very reason we make those kinds of decisions in the first place.
These ‘unspoken’ expectations can include all kinds of things - from a small recognition (such as a simple "thank you") to an overwhelmingly positive response (such as complete attitude change).
From our (the sacrificer’s) perspective, we’ve chosen to give up certain things or ideals so that our partners can have what we perceive they want and need.
Often times we don’t even ask our partners if this is what they want and what will make them happy!
So when our partners don’t respond in the way we expected them to, we get angry and resentful and wonder why they didn’t keep their side of the bargain.
That’s not really fair to them, now is it?
So rather than basing our happiness on our partner’s actions or reactions, we should take responsibility for own happiness starting right now.
Take Responsibility For Your Own Happiness
Here are some questions you should ask yourself.
What else will make me happy right now, in this moment?
Identify what’s missing from your life and what will really make you happy. This is not about your wife, your children, your boss, or anyone else. This is about you looking inside your own heart.
Don’t worry about what others might think or say. Ask yourself what would truly make you happy.
There’s a book called "The Passion Test", that can be very useful in helping you identify what’s missing from your life and what will really make you happy. I highly recommend purchasing this book and actually reading it.
The only way you’ll ever be happy with yourself, or be able to have a happy and loving relationship, is to own up to your own happiness - to take complete responsibility for it, and to recognize that true happiness starts from within.
YOU OWN IT!
MEDICAL students have sex with more people than students of any other discipline, a survey has found.
A survey of more than 1000 students at Cambridge University found those studying medicine had an average of eight sexual partners in their lives so far.
Student union president Mark Fletcher told student newspaper Varsity the results came as no surprise.
“It’s obvious that the mathematicians haven’t found the winning formula yet,” Mr Fletcher said.
“But it’s good to see that doctors and nurses is still a popular game.”
The poll, which was carried out by the newspaper, found theology students had the fewest number of sexual partners with two.
Political science students had seven, while those studying history had six partners.
Those enrolled in language courses averaged five sexual partners.
But don't worry if you are not the brightest student - the survey found poor performers tended to have a higher than average number of sexual partners.
About 25 per cent of respondents said they had tried sado-masochism and 40 per cent said they had had a one-night stand, but more than 60 per cent said they had never been checked for sexually transmitted diseases.
A prostitute from El Salvador who identifies herself as Melisa, 30, poses for a portrait while waiting for clients in her rented room on a street called in Spanish "La Linea," or "The Strip," where dozens of women work as prostitutes in Guatemala City, Tuesday, April 17, 2007.
Prostitutes from Costa Rica who identify themselves as Julie, 23, left, Tamara, 24, center, and Angie, 22, talk with potential clients, not seen, from their rented room on a street called in Spanish "La Linea," or "The Strip," where dozens of women work as prostitutes in Guatemala City, Friday, May 25, 2007.
A prostitute who identifies herself as Melisa, 30, laughs as she poses for a portrait while waiting for clients in her rented room on a street called in Spanish "La Linea," or "The Strip," where dozens of women work as prostitutes in Guatemala City, Tuesday, April 17, 2007.
A prostitute from El Salvador who goes by the name Kathy covers her face while talking to a potential client in her rented room on a street called in Spanish "La Linea," or "The Strip," where dozens of women work as prostitutes in Guatemala City, Tuesday, April 10, 2007.
A prostitute from Costa Rica who identifies herself as Angie, 22, smokes a cigarette while clients wait in the doorway of her rented room on a street called in Spanish "La Linea," or "The Strip" where dozens of women work as prostitutes in Guatemala City, Friday, May 25, 2007.
A prostitute from El Salvador who identifies herself as Vilma poses for a portrait as she waits for clients in her rented room on a street called in Spanish "La Linea," or "The Strip," where dozens of women work as prostitutes in Guatemala City, Monday, April 23, 2007.
A sixty-five year old prostitute who identifies herself as "La Abuelita," or "The Grandmother," poses for a portrait in a rented room where she has been living for the last 42 years on a street called in Spanish "La Linea," or "The Strip," where dozens of women work as prostitutes in Guatemala City, Friday, Jan. 19, 2007. La Abuelita is said to be the oldest sex worker on The Strip, and due to severe back pain is now considering retirement and expects to survive on selling goods.
Prostitutes buy fresh goat milk while waiting for clients outside their rented rooms on a street called in Spanish "La Linea," or "The Strip," where dozens of women work as prostitutes in Guatemala City, Monday, May 28, 2007.
A prostitute from El Salvador who identifies herself as "La Flaca," or "Skinny," checks her makeup as she waits for clients in her rented room on a street called in Spanish "La Linea," or "The Strip," where dozens of women work as prostitutes in Guatemala City, Thursday, April 19, 2007.
A prostitute who goes by the name in Spanish "Gata Salvaje" or "Wild Cat," waits for clients outside her rented room on a street called in Spanish "La Linea," or "The Strip," where dozens of women work as prostitutes in Guatemala City, Wednesday, April 11, 2007.
A prostitute from Nicaragua who identifies herself as Brenda talks to a man as she stands in the doorway of her rented room on a street called in Spanish "La Linea," or "The Strip," where dozens of women work as prostitutes in Guatemala City, Thursday, April 12, 2007.
When of the most popular fantasies out there is the idea of the threesome…
Most men love the idea of seeing their woman have sex with another woman while they watch, or the idea of having two women have sex with him at the same time.
But threesome fantasies don’t stop there…
There are also men out there, who love the idea of watching their woman have sex with another man.
Here’s an interesting question. If a man enjoys the idea of watching his woman have sex with another man, does this make him gay?
Here’s a question from Michael whose fantasies have him wondering about his sexuality.
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
My girlfriend and I have talked jokingly about threesomes in the past. But recently she’s been bringing up the idea more often. I’m worried about what she would want afterwards like if she’d wanna bring home a guy. I don’t know how to respond…
I have entertained the thought of watching her have sex with another man while I watch. Would that make me gay to enjoy watching it? Also, I had more homo erotic thoughts but haven’t gotten hard around a guy that’s straight.
Am I just curious, confused or bi?
— Michael, Massachusetts
Does This Mean I’m Gay?
We’re all sexual beings. We all have a unique ideas and fantasies, things that turn us on. Don’t get stuck on labels and just consider yourself ‘sexual’. It’s very common, and very exciting for most men, to think of their girlfriend as bi-curious, but most men get a little nervous when they think of a bi-curious boy.
But on that topic… We ran an online dating site for over three years and were very surprised by the large number of bisexual or bi-curious men. It’s not as uncommon as you might like to think.
There’s nothing wrong with being bi-curious, bisexual, or gay. That’s just your sexual preference. The sooner you get in touch with your own sexual preferences and desires, the happier and more fulfilled your sex life will be.
On The Topic Of Threesomes
So the idea of watching your partner with another man or woman that you really excited - and you have talked to one another enough to know that it gets your partner excited as well…
Here three tips to help make your first threesome more successful:
1. Talk About It
Before you and your partner set out to act out your fantasies of having a threesome, it’s critical that you both talk about it and understand why you want to do it. It’s also important to talk about what kind of threesome you are interested in.
Do you want to see your girlfriend with another woman, or perhaps another man. Do you want to see your boyfriend with another woman or another man. Do you both want to be intimately involved, or you prefer to just watch.
It’s also important to talk about who this third person will be. Will it be a close friend? Will it be a stranger? Do you want to be friends with him or her afterword are you just looking for one night stand? What should his or her age be? What should they look like?
It’s important to talk about the details up front so that you don’t end up fighting over something silly halfway down the road…
2. Set Boundaries And Stick To Them
Boundaries…
This is an important one that many people overlook. Before your first threesome, and your second, and your third, talk about what’s OK and what’s not. Where is your comfort zone? Where is your partners comfort zone? Are there any actions that are forbidden?
It’s a worthwhile exercise to actually take the time to write down what is OK and one is not. We have some good friends who jokingly refer to their first list… it must’ve been 100 items long. You can do this. You can’t do that. This is OK. That’s not. — Now they have just two runs a list away. That works for them. Your list may get longer. The important thing here is that you talk about it and agree on the ground rules before during and after.
3. Try It And Then Talk About It Some More
Once everyone’s happy and feels COMPLETELY comfortable, go for it. Try it. See how it feels and talk about those feelings. What surprised you? What didn’t? Did the experience go as you expected it? Do you want to do it again?
Hopefully by now you get the point…
Communication is critical in your relationship and even more important when you bring other people into the relationship.
We can’t say it enough… Talk. Talk. Talk.
LONDON (AP) - The buttoned-up Brit may be a myth.
British people's attitudes to sex and marriage have grown increasingly liberal over the last two decades, according to a study released Wednesday. But behavior has changed less than opinions.
The annual British Social Attitudes Survey said 70 percent of people think premarital sex is acceptable, while less than a third believe homosexuality is wrong.
In the 1980s, almost half of Britons surveyed disapproved of premarital sex and three-quarters thought homosexuality was always or mostly wrong.
``The heterosexual married couple is no longer central as a social norm,'' said Simon Duncan, the report's co-author.
Researchers said attitudes have been shifting gradually over the years.
Britain's marriage rate is falling, with a corresponding rise in the number of unmarried people who live together. The 244,710 marriages in England and Wales in 2005 - the last year for which figures are available - was the lowest number since 1896.
Two-thirds of those surveyed felt there was little difference socially between being married and living together. Only 28 percent agreed with the statement ``married couples make better parents than unmarried couples,'' a figure largely unchanged since the question was first asked in 2000.
Duncan said views are more traditional when it comes to child-raising.
``When they are involved, alternative family arrangements are seen as less acceptable,'' Duncan said.
Opinion on single parents was evenly split, with 42 percent of people saying one parent could raise a child as well as two, and 41 percent disagreeing.
Just under a third of respondents said two gay men in a couple can be good parents as well as a man and a woman; 42 percent disagreed.
Only 17 percent of men agreed with the statement ``a man's job is to earn money; a woman's job is to look after the home and family'' - down from 32 percent in 1989.
But behavior appears to have changed less than attitudes. More than three-quarters of respondents in heterosexual relationships said the woman does the laundry, a figure little since 1994.
``People are a lot more liberal in what they think, but it is still women doing the same things they did 20 years ago,'' said another of the researchers, Elizabeth Clery.
Conducted by the National Center for Social Research, the survey interviewed 3,300 randomly selected adults across the country about topics as diverse as politics, the environment and racism.
Margins of error for sections of the report vary between two and three percentage points.
Thirty percent of respondents admitted to being biased against other races, saying they were ``very'' or ``a little'' prejudiced. That compared to 34 percent in 1985, but was up from 25 percent in 2000 - a fact researchers said likely reflected the impact of the Sept. 11 terror attacks.
The vast majority of those who admitted prejudice said they felt that way ``a little.'' Only 2 percent said they were ``very prejudiced,'' a figure unchanged since 1991.
ELLSWORTH, Maine (AP) - His lottery ticket was a $1,000 winner, but police have seized it saying it was bought with proceeds from an illegal drug sale.
Michael David, who had been staying at an Ellsworth motel, sold four 10-milligram methadone pills for $15 each last week, Police Chief John Deleo said. He then went to a convenience store and bought lottery tickets and other merchandise and went back to his motel room, where he was busted.
"I guess it will be up to a judge to decide, but it's in our possession right now as proceeds from a drug transaction," Deleo said of the winning ticket.
David, 46, remained in custody Monday in the Hancock County Jail on drug trafficking charges. An official at the jail said David was not available for comment.
Riazat Butt, religious affairs correspondent
Monday January 21, 2008
A gay rights group has compiled a dossier criticising the record of one of the UK's newly appointed equality commissioners, Joel Edwards.
The Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement (LGCM) said Edwards had a history of "agitating against the full inclusion of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community under equality law".
The group was today printing a 10-page document on the appointment of Edwards, leader of the Evangelical Alliance, to the Equalities and Human Rights Commission (EHRC).
Using information from the alliance website, the LGCM set out to demonstrate that Edwards "in his own words and actions is unfit to be an equality commissioner".
In February 2007, it says, Edwards wrote to the government asking for exemptions from equality legislation in the provision of goods and services for lesbian and gay people.
Specifically, he asked that Christian agencies be allowed to opt out of dealing with gay couples: "What harm can be done by exempting certain agencies which, as a matter of conscience, are unable to accommodate such requests? Contrary to popular portrayals, those who hold to such principles are not merely bigots or narrow-minded fundamentalists."
Two months later, in a newsletter, the alliance commented that laws requiring non-discrimination would deprive Christian organisations from their right to discriminate: "The outcome suggests that, rather than balancing rights, the right to live a homosexual lifestyle will effectively trump the right to live a Christian lifestyle in public ... following other controversial developments within the human rights industry, it appears that a hierarchy of rights is emerging, with religion and belief deemed bottom of the pile and subservient, especially to sexual orientation rights."
The LGCM chief executive, the Rev Richard Kirker, said the dossier would be sent to the EHRC chair, Trevor Phillips, Edwards, other commissioners and Harriet Harman, the secretary of state for equality.
"It's a prerequisite that anyone chosen should be chosen on the basis that they've not disparaged other strands. It's mystifying, unless he has quietly and privately altered his views. The appointment brings the commission into disrepute and Edwards should resign."
The Evangelical Alliance has said its focus is not "on human beings who experience same-sex attraction but on homosexual practice which we regard as a behaviour choice, together with associated attempts to normalise it."
In a 1998 statement, entitled Faith, Hope and Homosexuality, the alliance called on congregations to welcome and accept lesbians and gays in the expectation that "they will come in due course to see the need to change their lifestyle in accordance with biblical revelation and orthodox church teaching".
"We urge gentleness and patience in this process, and ongoing care even after a homosexual person renounces same-sex sexual relations."
It also commended the work of organisations seeking to help homosexual Christians live a celibate life and those which "responsibly assist homosexuals who wish to reorient to a heterosexual lifestyle". A May 2006 event featured True Freedom Trust, a group offering to "cure" people of homosexuality.
Edwards said he welcomed and supported the presence of lesbian and gay people on the Equalities Commission.
"I therefore find it a shame that the LGCM considers my belief system less equal than others and a barrier to my serving the British public.
"The faith community is actively working for equality and justice in many different areas and I would be disappointed if my contribution to this commission is only seen in the light of issues around sexuality."
An EHRC spokesman said Edwards had the full support of the secretary of state: "He is well qualified as leader of the Evangelical Alliance and brings expertise both as a faith leader and a senior figure in the black community.
"As regards the issue of his views on a particular piece of legislation, no two commissioners share the same views on every matter. However, the views of the commission on the sexual orientation regulations remain unchanged. This has been expressed on several occasions by our chair and there can be no exceptions to equality. The law is the law and it is our remit to uphold that."
The first time I ever had sex was on the hardwood floor of a friend’s house.
He was older, on top, and yep, it hurt.
But I was amazed at how receptive I was to that discomfort, how I welcomed it and accepted it as part of the complete sex package. Years later, I still feel that mingling of pleasure and pain when intercourse is initiated, and wow, is it nice!
What is S&M?
The correct sexual term for sadism and masochism is to combine it – sadomasochism, or S&M.
The sadist part refers to a person who gets sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on another person. The pain can be mental or physical.
Masochists are people who get off on receiving pain. If your immediate thought when it comes to sadomasochism is of whips and chains, well, I like your way of thinking, but that’s just on the extreme end of the spectrum.
Sadism is to domination as masochism is to submission.
That means that S&M doesn’t necessarily have to be hardcore role playing – it can be what I like to call “gentle-rough sex”.
It can be having your hair pulled or your nipples pinched. It can be your partner teasing you to the point where you’re begging for sex. It can be light, playful, and just a little bit edgy.
It’s up to you how far you want to take it.
Who Does S&M?
Lots of people.
That woman in the carpool line ahead of you. The guy who made your sub sandwich at lunch today. That mousy shy co-worker of yours who avoids eye contact. Your sister. The lawyer who fixed your traffic ticket…
You get the idea.
We’re not talking serial killers or crazed nuns out for revenge – most of the folks who dabble in S&M are nice, normal, kinky people. And they are all around you, like a zombie monster movie, only way more fun.
Where Does S&M Take Place?
Mostly, in the bedrooms of ordinary houses in the suburbs.
But it can also happen in trendy downtown lofts, 23rd floor penthouse suites, out on the farm, and sure, in clubs with S&M dungeons. Most cities have clubs like that, or fetish nights.
There are also thousands of online communities and local groups who meet to discuss safety, equipment, and exchange tips on what kitchen utensils work best in sex play.
Why S&M?
Pain and pleasure are two separate things, but they are closely related. They both stimulate nerve endings, they’re both associated with the mad release of endorphins, and they both make you feel alive.
Vanilla sex is more physical – S&M is more mental.
What do I mean by that? Vanilla sex is simple – it’s about giving and receiving pleasure. S&M is more complex – it is delving into your deep, dark fantasies, sharing them with another person, pushing your limits, and facing fears.
Most of us are conditioned to avoid pain at all costs.
That makes sense – we’re hardwired for survival. But to embrace it – to subject yourself to it deliberately and on your own terms – that is a way of finding control in a world where you often lack control.
Both sub and Dom participants will often find themselves in a euphoric “zone” once they push past a certain point.
For instance, I knew a friend whose father was dying of cancer. She took care of him, but during her respite free time, she met up with a Dom who would punish and beat her. It was her way of coping with the guilt associated with her sick father, and was an effective way to take her mind off of the helplessness she felt.
As for me, I like being bit or having my hair pulled or my bottom spanked.
I’m curious to see how much I can take, and I’m lucky enough to have found a good Dom who is willing to be my guide. He doesn’t get off so much on inflicting pain as he does in seeing how much it arouses me.
I get turned on, he’s turned on, it’s a win-win situation.
I wonder if someday I can handle a belt or paddle…Stay tuned!
Reuters has reported that, "A drug-resistant strain of potentially deadly bacteria has moved beyond the borders of U.S. hospitals and is being transmitted among gay men during sex, researchers said on Monday.
"They said methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus, or MRSA, is beginning to appear outside hospitals in San Francisco, Boston, New York and Los Angeles."
"'Once this reaches the general population, it will be truly unstoppable,' said Binh Diep, a researcher at the University of California, San Francisco who led the study."
According to the study, at this point, homosexual men are 13 times more likely to contract the potentially deadly, drug-resistant strain of staph infection, but the fear is that, because the infection is spread via skin-to-skin contact, homosexual men may soon spread it to the general population.
Matt Barber, Policy Director for Cultural issues with Concerned Women for America (CWA), said, "The medical community has known for years that homosexual conduct, especially among males, creates a breeding ground for often deadly disease. In recent years we have seen a profound resurgence in cases of HIV/AIDS, syphilis, rectal gonorrhea and many other STDs among those who call themselves 'gay.'
"The human body is quite callous in how it handles mistreatment and the perversion of its natural functions. When two men mimic the act of heterosexual intercourse with one another, they create an environment, a biological counterfeit, wherein disease can thrive. Unnatural behaviors beget natural consequences.
"In recent years our culture has adopted a laissez faire attitude toward sexual deviancy. Television shows like Will and Grace glorify the homosexual lifestyle while our children are taught in schools that homosexuality is a perfectly healthy, alternative sexual 'orientation.' 'Stay out of our bedrooms!' we're often commanded by militant 'gay' activists.
"Well, now the dangerous and possibly deadly consequence of what occurs in those bedrooms is spilling over into the general population. It's not only frightening, it's infuriating.
"Citizens, especially parents, need to stand up and say, 'No More! We will no longer sit idly by while politically correct cultural elites endanger our children and larger communities through propagandist promotion of this demonstrably deadly lifestyle.'
"Why does it take a potentially deadly staph epidemic for people to acknowledge reality? Will that even do it? Enough is enough!" concluded Barber.
A British husband's honesty about his sex life on a television show has won him $100,000 and -- his wife says -- strengthened their marriage.
Stuart Brandwood was hooked up to a lie detector during taping of "Nothing But the Truth," a show hosted by Jerry Springer, The Daily Mail reports. The first show, featuring Brandwood and his wife, Amanda, airs Wednesday on Sky One.
Amanda Brandwood, of Warrington in Cheshire, said her marriage is "stronger than ever" now that she has worked through her husband's answers and forgiven her.
She submitted two questions for Springer to ask her husband. One, whether he had ever paid for sex, made the cut, while the other, whether he had had an affair, did not.
But her husband admitted the affair to her privately because he did not want her to hear it first on television.
Springer also asked him if Amanda was the best lover he had had -- and he said "no."
Brandwood said he was 30 when he married Amanda and she realized he had a past.
Washington - Sexually active gay men are at much greater risk than heterosexuals of infection from a highly virulent bacteria that has proven resistant to most antibiotics, according to a new study released this week.
The research by the University of California at San Francisco found that the highly-drug resistant "superbug" MRSA bacteria - an acronym for methicillin resistant staphylococcus aureus bacteria - can be transmitted readily through homosexual intercourse, putting gay men at increased risk.
Methicillin is a widely-used penicillin-related antibiotic.
"These multi-drug resistant infections often affect gay men at body sites in which skin-to-skin contact occurs during sexual activities," says Binh Diep, of the San Francisco General Hospital Medical Centre and lead author of the report appearing in the online edition the Annals of Internal Medicine.
The study is to appear in the print edition of the medical journal next month.
A review of medical records from outpatient clinics in San Francisco found that sexually active gay men in San Francisco are about 13 times more likely to be infected than the general population.
Extrapolating from medical records, researchers estimate that about one in 588 people living in San Francisco's Castro district - a neighbourhood with the highest number of gay residents of any community in the United States - is infected with the multi-drug resistant MRSA bacteria.
The MRSA bacteria appears to be transmitted most easily through intimate sexual contact, but also can spread through casual skin-to-skin contact or contact with contaminated surfaces.
Until recently, MRSA bacteria were confined to hospitals, where extensive use of antibiotics has prompted highly-resistant bacteria strains to evolve.
But in recent months, scientists have observed a growing number of cases of the illness surfacing outside the hospital setting, causing a number of deaths and serious illnesses.
He's the poster boy for the state's new anti-smoking campaign. But 48-year-old Skip Legault is still smoking -- despite an amputated leg, two heart attacks and a stroke.
The state Department of Health confirmed Friday that they chose a smoker for the ads, saying it helps underscore the risks associated with nicotine addiction.
In the ad, Legault, looking into the camera and supporting himself on crutches, recites a litany of health woes, including a first heart attack at age 28 and another at 29, then says: "Every bit of this is from smoking."
Dr. Richard F. Daines, the state health commissioner, defended the campaign, which began running on television, in newspapers and on the Internet in November and ends Jan. 22.
"Here's someone who's willing to step forward and show his weaknesses in public," Daines said. "I think it took a lot of courage."
A message left for Legault on his home phone was not immediately returned.
But in an interview with the Daily News, which first reported the story, he said, "I don't tell anyone to quit smoking. I tell people the effects smoking does to me and people I've been in contact with."
Legault, who once smoked three packs a day but has cut back to half a pack, was paid $4,000 for his time in producing the ads, the health department said.
Daines said the fact that Legault hasn't been able to kick the habit "demonstrates how extreme this addiction can get."
"Smoking is still the single most reversible, avoidable cause of premature vascular disease," he said. "High blood pressure typically takes lifetime treatment. For smoking, you just have to stop smoking and the risks decline."
Dear Alice,
Is it true that a woman's sex drive is at its peak when she reaches 30? I can vouch for the fact that at 32, I think about sex more than I ever have in my lifetime.
—Horny 30's
Dear Horny 30's,
This sex drive statistic came from researcher Alfred Kinsey, PhD, who learned that women had more orgasm in their thirties than at any other time in their lifespan. This may be due to many reasons. Women in their thirties often have become more comfortable with their bodies and with their body responses. Their orgasms, sometimes from intercourse/penetration, more often than not, have become more reliable. They often have more self-confidence and a stronger sense of themselves. Women in their thirties also have a better sense of their needs, and perhaps are more willing to communicate their needs more fully. More familiar with their body responses, they can describe what they want to their partner more easily, thus increasing their sexual satisfaction. This increased sexual satisfaction can then result in a cycle of desiring more sex.
Another factor to take into account is the change in hormone levels as women age. As men and women age, their testosterone levels drop, with a slower decrease in testosterone in women. This gradual decrease can cause women to desire sex more often than men their own age. Also, as hormone levels fluctuate in a thirtyish-year-old woman, her desire for sex may change, as well. In most cases, the desire for sex increases.
People are unique individuals who'll desire sex in different ways and quantities. In the meantime, you can enjoy your sexual energy, your lust, your fantasies, and your magnificent thirties. Contrary to what many believe, life isn't all downhill from here. As people grow older, what they lose in frequency, they make up in quality. Just think of sexuality and pleasure as improving with age, similar to fine wine.
A new, highly drug-resistant strain of the “flesh-eating” MRSA bacteria is being spread among gay men in San Francisco and Boston, researchers reported on Monday.
In a study published online by the journal Annals of Internal Medicine, the bacteria seemed to be spread most easily through anal intercourse but also through casual skin-to-skin contact and touching contaminated surfaces.
The authors warned that unless microbiology laboratories were able to identify the strain and doctors prescribed the proper antibiotic therapy, the infection could soon spread among other groups and become a wider threat.
The new strain seems to have “spread rapidly” in gay populations in San Francisco and Boston, the researchers wrote, and “has the potential for rapid, nationwide dissemination” among gay men.
The study was based on a review of medical records from outpatient clinics in San Francisco and Boston and nine medical centers in San Francisco.
The Castro district in San Francisco has the highest number of gay residents in the country, according to the University of California, San Francisco. One in 588 residents is infected with the new multidrug-resistant MRSA strain, the study found. That compares with 1 in 3,800 people in San Francisco, according to statistical analyses based on ZIP codes.
A separate part of the study found that gay men in San Francisco were about 13 times more likely to be infected than other people in the city.
The San Francisco researchers suggested that scrubbing with soap and water might be the most effective way to stop skin-to-skin transmission, particularly after sexual activities.
MRSA, for methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus, was once spread chiefly in hospitals. But in recent years, a number of healthy people have acquired it outside hospitals.
Nearly 19,000 people died in the United States from MRSA infections in 2005, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reported.
The infection can cause unusually severe problems, including abscesses and skin ulcers. The bacteria can invade through the skin to produce necrotizing fasciitis, giving them the popular name of flesh-eating bacteria. They can also cause pneumonia, damage the heart and produce widespread infection through the blood.
Among gay men in the study, MRSA was spread by skin contact, causing abscesses and infection in the buttocks and genital area.
The new strain is closely related to earlier ones. Both are known as MRSA USA300.
The strain is much more difficult to treat because it is resistant not just to methicillin, but also many more of the antibiotics used to treat the earlier strains, said Dr. Henry F. Chambers, an author of the new study.
The new strain contains a plasmid called pUSA03.
“This particular clone is resistant to at least three other drugs, clindamycin, tetracycline and mupirocin,” Dr. Chambers said in a telephone interview.
Of the alternatives recommended by the C.D.C. and the Infectious Diseases Society of America, trimethoprim-sulfamethoxazole (Bactrim), clindamycin and a tetracycline, “this strain is resistant to two of those three,” he added. “In addition, the new strain is resistant to mupirocin, which has been advocated for eradicating the strain from carriers.”
Dear Alice,
Do you know how many college students are having sex? Are there any statistics? I was wondering if it is lower than a lot of people would have you believe. I feel like I'm the only one sometimes who is not having sex. Thought maybe I'd see if it was true. Thanks.
Dear Reader,
Even if you were the only college student not having sex, that wouldn't make you "strange" or abnormal. You would just be doing what feels comfortable for you. People ultimately make their own choices based on many things, including privacy, opportunity, finding a caring partner, cultural or religious beliefs, and trust levels.
A study of undergraduates at four universities published in 2005 shows how college students' perceptions of their peers' sexual activity can be overestimated. The study, by Scholly, Katz, Gascoigne, and Holck, which asked questions about various "sexual behaviors," shows that while 80 percent of students had 0 or 1 sexual partner during the preceding year, only 22 percent of those students believed their fellow students had one or fewer partners. Students in this study perceived their fellow students were more sexually active than they actually were. In fact, 59 percent of students reported having no sexual activity within the past 30 days. Similar findings were reported in the 2002 National College Health Assessments. Seventy-one percent of participants had 1 or fewer sexual partners during the previous year. However, the common belief among respondents was that their peers had at least 3 partners during the previous year.
Although national statistics on college students' sexual behaviors are available, rarely have study sponsors asked participants precise questions about specific sexual activities. For many, especially college students, "hooking up" means different things to different people. One person's hook up may be a simple kiss, while another person's hook up may include oral, anal, and/or vaginal penetration. As a result, one may get the impression that everyone who "hooks up" is having intercourse or penetration. How people define sex or interpret certain sexual behaviors shape their answers to the questions asked.
For example, a national study conducted by Zogby International and commissioned by the Foundation for Academic Standards & Tradition (FAST), a nonprofit student advocacy organization, was released in June 2000. College students were asked, "Are you sexually active?" Fifty-six-and-a-half percent of the students replied "yes"; 40.4 percent said they were not. Of the students who answered "yes," 7.9 percent said that they had not had sex during the preceding semester. The survey, however, did not define "sexually active." To some, "sexually active" meant foreplay or sexual intercourse, but to others it meant passionate kissing.
An additional national study, conducted in 1995 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), asked fifteen questions about sexual behavior. For the purpose of this particular survey, "sexual intercourse" was defined as vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse, or oral/genital sex. This study also found that 79.5 percent of college students 18 to 24-years-old had had sexual intercourse and that 55.4 percent had had sexual intercourse during the 30 days preceding the survey.
But since neither of the latter two studies presented here addressed other specific sexual behaviors, the college students who participated were able to interpret most questions for themselves. This resulted in statistics that covered a broad range of nonspecific behaviors, making these studies not definitive. And bear in mind that not every member of the student body was surveyed; the personality of a student who is willing to participate in such a survey may also skew the results.
When it comes to sex, or even alcohol and other drug use, among college students, what students perceive may not necessarily be what's real. So while it may seem to you that many college students are having "sex" while "hooking up," the research does show that many are not.
As a result, be assured you are not the only college student who is not having sex. Either way, it's important to be true to yourself — to have sex, the kind that you want, by yourself or with a consenting partner, when/because you want to, and not because of anybody else's behavior.
US researchers have discovered a fossil of a rodent in South America, which might be the largest rodent known to have existed.
In a boulder on the southern coast of Uruguay, the 53 centimetre-long skull of the new species, Josephoartigasia monesi, was discovered.
The researchers, based on the age of the rock, estimated that the skull is between two and four million years old.
"This is a remarkable finding because of the size of the animal and the fortunate completeness of the skull," Nature quoted evolutionary biologist Ines Horovitz of the University of California, Los Angeles, as saying. The scientists couldn't access other skeletal measures, such as the length of the limb bones that are traditionally used to estimate the size of an animal, because they found only the skull of the rodent.
However, the research team developed an equation relating skull length to body mass using information from 13 of J. monesi 's closest living relatives.
The calculation gave an estimate of 1,008 kilograms. Adding information from 6 other measures of skull size gave an estimate of 1,211 kilograms, with a likely range of 468 to 2,586 kilograms.
The relatively small grinding teeth in the skull suggested that J. monesi was a member of the Dinomyidae family, which contains just one living example, the pakarana. This rodent lives in South America and weighs roughly 15 kilograms.
The resemblance in molars and premolars suggest the bull-sized J. monesi had a relatively weak jaw and lived on roughly the same diet as its modern-day cousin: soft vegetation and fruit.
PRAYERS ANSWERED... Thousands of Muslims pray outside Al Sounna Mosquee, October 14, 1988, in the Bab el Oued district, Algeria. 
ON THE ROAD... An undated picture shows various Volkswagen Beetles participating in a car race some decades ago. German car maker Volkswagen bid goodbye on July 30, 2003 to its legendary Beetle, reputedly the world's most popular car which has been sold more than 21 million times since it was launched nearly 70 years ago. 
TROTTING ALONG... A horse hitched to a Volkswagen Beetle makes its way in the streets of Hanover, 25 November 1975, during a day without car traffic.
MASTERPIECE... A visitor of the Motor Show "AAA 98" in Berlin takes a close look at one of the new beetles, October 16, of a special edition displaying Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa.
FLOWER-POWER... A "New Beetle" painted over and over with roses and daisies is watched by two visitors of the exhibition "The car as a canvas" in the Volkswagen Car museum in Wolfsburg, December 15, 1998.
LOOK-ALIKE... Visiors September 8, 1998 take a look into the cockpit of a stretch-version of the famous Volkswagen "Beetle". The 12-meters "Beetle", was a mere show-car unable to move as it has no engine.
Two nude activists from People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals (Peta) carry a banner during a demonstration at the Hong Kong Fashion Week in Hong Kong on January 14. Over 1,470 exhibitors from 19 countries are taking part in the Fashion Week which runs from January 14 to 17.
Two nude activists from People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals (Peta) carry a banner during a demonstration at the Hong Kong Fashion Week in Hong Kong on January 14.
A grave-digger allegedly involved in stealing human parts, including skull and bones, to sell them to a drug maker was arrested by police at Ponnani town in the district.
Kunjikilian (63) admitted of having opened up as many as five graves in the dead of the night to collect human parts, police said.
A skull, pieces of bone and other human parts were recovered by police in the search conducted at Kunjikkilian's house close to the graveyard.
When questioned, Kunjikkilian admitted that he used to sell the body parts to a drug making firm in Kochi which used to sell its products as 'wonder cure' for a host of ailments, they said.
Kunjikilian fell into the police net following investigations based on complaints from local people who saw the graves being dug up at Kotathara graveyard in Ponnani. People living in the area had earlier complained of 'mysterious movement' of strangers during the nights.
Scientists have paved way for helping humans live longer and healthier by creating baker's yeast capable of living up to 800 yeast years without apparent side effects.
Since yeast's genes are similar to humans', the findings signify that even humans can have a manifold life extension.
The study, led by Valter Longo of the University of Southern California, achieved the important discovery through a combination of dietary and genetic changes.
"We're setting the foundation for reprogramming healthy life," Longo said.
In the study, the researchers put baker's yeast on a calorie-restricted diet and knocked out two genes, RAS2 and SCH9 that promote aging in yeast and cancer in humans.
"We got a 10-fold life span extension that is, I think, the longest one that has ever been achieved in any organism," Longo said.
Anna McCormick, chief of the genetics and cell biology branch at the National Institute on Aging and Longo's program officer said: "I would say 10-fold is pretty significant."
In the study, the scientists identified a major overlap between the genes previously implicated in life span regulation for yeast and mammals and those involved in life span extension under calorie restriction.
"We identified three transcription factors that are very important for the effect of calorie restriction, but at the same time, we also showed that it's not enough because even without these transcription factors, calorie restriction can still extend life span a little bit," Longo said.
"So that means that we've identified a lot of the key players in the calorie restriction effect but not all of them," he added.
Calorie restriction, in practice, controlled starvation, has long been shown to reduce disease and extend life span in species from yeast to mice.
Scientists contemplate that a nutrient shortage kicks organisms into a maintenance mode, enabling them to re-direct energy from growth and reproduction into anti-aging systems until the time they can feed and breed again.
That’s right, acronyms aren’t just for the office anymore – it can be a regular alphabet soup in the bedroom, too.
I’m talking about BDSM - the ultimate antidote to vanilla sex.
Sure sex feels good on its own, but have you ever thought about taking it up a notch, pushing your boundaries? Do you have any freaky fantasies that might be ready to leave your head?
Prepare for a challenge – get off your butt and onto your hands and knees, grab a candle to light the way – but don’t forget to let some of the hot wax drip on your sensitive flesh…
What does BDSM stand for, anyway? The interchangeable initials stand for:
Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism
Let’s expand on the first four now, because S&M deserves an entire article of its own.
As you read through the list, pay attention to your feelings.
Which concepts intrigue you the most and inspire you to place an ad on a fetish site, or buy your partner a pair of shiny steel oiled handcuffs?
Bondage
I can’t remember if my first exposure to bondage was watching the Wonder Woman television show or receiving pink and green paper Chinese handcuffs in a party favor bag, but I know that both of those things had me daydreaming of lassoing that boy who always ran away from me on the playground, or tricking him into being my slave for a day because I had him trapped by his fingers.
Bondage is incorporating restraint into lovemaking.
It’s giving yourself over to the pleasure and entrusting yourself to your partner. Being tied up can feel scary, relaxing, embarrassing, arousing, intense…The sky’s the limit with the emotions that can come into play.
It’s also a great way to utilize neckties now that they aren’t worn in the workplace much anymore. I’m always pleased to visit a friend’s house and see colorful neckties affixed to their bedposts - it’s a sure sign of a healthy sex life.
These days I’ve graduated to nylon rope, which is easily obtained at hardware stores. More discriminating folks in the lifestyle opt for hemp rope, which is available online and in sex shops in a variety of colors.
Discipline
Thank you sir, may I have another?
Discipline is the use of rules and punishment to control the behavior of someone else. A rule can be as simple as not allowing someone to say “thank you” for the evening, and if they transgress, punishment ensues.
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word “punishment”?
Spanking, perhaps? Oh sure, I love a good classic like spanking, but punishment needn’t be physical. BDSM can be extremely creative, not to mention mental.
I have my own personal list of punishments that I like being "forced" to do. Plus my partner is always good at keeping me on my toes. Or on my knees…
Domination/Dominant/Dominatrix/Dom
Also known as the Master, Mistress, Boss, or Top.
A Dom is in charge, gives orders…
A Dom is in charge, gives orders, calls the shots and administers the punishments.
But he or she has to have the right balance of kindness and meanness, kind of like that tough love you hear about when it comes to parenting teenagers.
An example of a good Dom move would be giving the sub a good smack on the rear, then tenderly kissing the sting away.
Does it sound like the Dom can do whatever the hell he or she wants? Think again. Ultimately, the play session is limited to what the sub is willing to do. Communication is king, so discussing ahead of time what is on the sexual menu and what is off limits is critical.
Important note: Being a Dom is not an excuse to be a jerk.
Submission/Submissive/Subordinate/Sub
Also known as the slave or bottom.
Now this is my specialty. I’m a caseb sook submissive – I like being told what to do and get off on being “used". I also like rules-and-punishment mental mind games and serving my Dom.
A sub might toy with being humiliated. Penetration is a big part of being sub. Some subs expect pleasure in return, while other submissive’s only goal is to pleasure their Dom. This is more slave-like behavior.
For me, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I like to see how much pain I can take – I get a sense of accomplishment after a particularly intense session, and I look forward to building up my tolerance. Sometimes I endure an unpleasant experience, such as getting my face smacked or being called dirty names, and find it doesn’t sit well with me at the time it’s happening.
Only later after having a chance to analyze it do I find it to be arousing. It’s like peeling the layers of an onion, right down to the tears you might shed. Intense!
Switch
Some people are only comfortable in one of the roles – Dom or sub. But some people can assume either role, depending on the mood or setting.
Versatile, these are the same folks who do well at large parties and small gatherings, who don’t mind driving or being in the passenger seat, or can watch super-dude action films and chick flicks.
I used to think I was pure sub, but the other night I accidentally stumbled into a “Dom for a day” situation where my partner told me he was at my disposal. I was surprised to find I liked shoving his hands above his head and having my way with him. Who knew?
That’s the beauty of BDSM – it’s a fascinating way to explore yourself and your partner through a perversely intimate power exchange, a way to turn reality upside down and own it on your own terms.
The key to making the dynamic work is trust. Yep, BDSM is like one big trust fall.
Are you ready to let yourself go?
Anal sex… Some people love it. Some people are disgusted by the mere mention of it.
So is it really a special treat, or a very dangerous game that should be avoided at all costs?
The answer depends on who you ask and what their sexual preferences are. It’s not your place to judge another person nor is it another person’s right to judge your sexual preferences.
Watch this short video
Possible Complications Caused By Having Anal Sex
First, understand your anatomy. At the lower end of the bowel, there are two distinct circular bands of muscles called sphincters, one is located about an 1 ½ inches above the other. These clamp down tight to prevent the passage of feces or gas.
The mucous membrane which lines the rectum is not as heavy as the lining of the vagina, so it can tear quite easily, and it does not heal as quickly as the inner walls of the vagina. Because feces, loaded with bacteria, pass through the rectum any tears in the mucous membrane are vulnerable to infection.
The vigorous thrusting that may occur during anal intercourse can tear the mucous membrane.
What Can Happen If The Membrane Tears?
Tears in the mucous membrane of the rectum can develop into anal abscesses that can become infected.
Also, if your partner has any sexually transmitted infections (STI’s), then you could get infected through these tears.
Examples of sexually transmitted infections are: gonorrhea (treatable); venereal warts (treatable if external, difficult if up in the rectum); syphilis (treatable); herpes (treatment, no cure); yeast infection (treatable); and HIV and AIDS (treatment but no cure).
You do not want any of these STI’s.
Other Potential Problems Associated with Anal Sex
Some doctors claim that hemorrhoids (piles) could result from vigorous anal sex, and although I have no medical research to support this, I have heard people say that the rectum "gets sloppy", meaning it stretches more than it otherwise would.
However, I am dubious. If anal "sloppiness" was true, why wouldn’t this happen as a result of regular bowel movements? Since there is no definitive research on this, I’ll leave it up to you to decide how you feel about this.
Should You Have Anal Sex Anyway?
Well, according to Sue, the best prevention is to not go there at all!
But if you do decide to try anal sex, she suggests that both you and your partner talk about it and agree on the following points. And we absolutely agree with everything she says in this list.
* Your partner must be very, very gentle, absolutely no forced penetration and no vigorous thrusting.
* You must use lots and lots of good lubrication, (anal lube, not saliva).
* Your partner must use a condom…all the time, every time.
* Your partner must respect "stop". If you say ouch, or it hurts, or No or quit… they must stop immediately.
* It must be understood, if you do not want to have anal sex again, there will be no pressure, no threats and no pleading. NO means NO.
* Use a well-lubricated condom without spermicide, either on the sex toy or his penis. Spermicide can irritate the rectum.
* Never shift from anal sex back to vaginal sex without changing condoms. Feces can end up in the vagina and cause infections. And please wash your hands with soap and water after handling the dirty condom or you could still spread infectious material.
Just How Risky Is It?
Just How Risky Is It?
The problems that Sue mentions in her article are definitely possible, but not necessarily probable…
Like smoking, the risks are lower if you do it less often.
Chances are you’re not going to get lung cancer from smoking one pack of cigarettes. And as long as you’re careful when having anal sex, the chances of running into the problems that Sue mentions in her article are greatly reduced if you do it very carefully and only occasionally.
Keep in mind that the rectum is designed as an "out hole" - not an "in hole". Our advice is that if you are going to have anal sex, be very gentle and take it very slowly, use lots and lots of good quality lubrication, and save it as the occasional treat.
Don’t make it a regular activity that you do every day. Save it for special occasions.
Is It OK For Me To Talk My Partner Into Trying Anal Sex?
Like Sue, we get lots of questions from men wondering how they can "talk their girlfriend into having anal sex". She adamantly says that you should never try to convince your partner to have anal sex.
We think it could go either way. We all use the art of gentle persuasion a hundred times a day to convince our kids to clean their rooms, to convince our husband to take out the trash, to talk ourselves into going to the gym when we don’t always feel like it.
Persuasion is not always a bad thing. Sometimes we need a little encouragement to move past our fears and overcome our shyness.
We do, however, want to stress that no one should ever be forced or pressured into doing any sexual act that they’re not 100% comfortable with and willing to do.
Do not confuse gentle persuasion with force and coercion!
Talk to your partner, and figure out works well for both of you. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties involved - anal or otherwise.
Dear Ellie: I'm 43 and in a serious relationship with a lady who's 39. I've never been married. She's separated with one teenage daughter. One of my closest friends is female and previously rented a room in my house. We'd never dated. Now my current lady-friend thinks it's wrong that I have a female best friend. She's jealous, though my former tenant is at school in a different city and we only sporadically e-mail or phone each other. Meanwhile, though I rarely mention this friend, my girlfriend will regularly bring up her ex-husband and incidents/events they shared. This bothers me somewhat, but not enough to mention it. I'm her first boyfriend since she separated two years ago and I'm honest about my past relationships. How can I assure her that I'm committed to her without having to end a valued friendship?
Struggling
Dear Struggling: Your girlfriend is a "newbie" to singlehood, unfamiliar with the common pattern of longtime singles, to create a "family" of trusted friends. She's bounced from a long marriage to a serious relationship and, having a daughter, hasn't experienced much "alone" time when she needed platonic friends of the opposite sex. Explain the difference to her, and that family-type friends are not a threat to a committed relationship, any more than her ex should be. However, if her jealousy comes from insecurity carried over from her marriage, then she may not be ready for an intense new connection. In that case, you'd both be wise to cool your relationship for awhile.
Dear Ellie: My husband of one year is a night owl who's unable to wake up before noon. He works from home, starting his workday from 1 p.m., stops at 6 p.m. to spend the evening with me, and continues his day's work until 4 a.m. while I'm in bed. Our sex life suffers because I rarely get to spend a night with him. He sleeps in until 2 p.m. on weekends, while I'm up at 10 a.m. He's tried to adjust to my schedule but has always fallen back. I think he's lacking self-discipline and it's affecting our relationship.
Cold Bed
Dear Cold Bed: Countless shift workers have learned to deal with the problem of different sleep schedules in a family, and so can you two, if there's willingness for negotiation and compromise on both sides. Couples who actually want to have sex usually find a way. Since you don't mention children, it appears that the evening hours spent together offer time for romance. Throughout time, however, if you work regular hours and/or plan to raise kids, he must adjust enough to be a partner in the home. So far, you both sound like individuals who don't want to budge at all. Now that you've spent the first year of marriage each trying to win on this conflict, it's time to start working out an acceptable plan toward a new schedule and mutual tolerance.
Dear Ellie: My colleagues say that the office coordinator badmouths me. I have a senior job but depend on this woman for arrangements that affect my comfort level. Do I tell her off or let it lie?
Agitated
Dear Agitated: Some people use their small area of power to put others down. Disarm her with appreciation for the actual work she does, and by being clear about any of your needs that involve her. If the nastiness persists, say directly that it's unacceptable. Next, report incidents to her supervisor.
Dear Ellie: My husband of 25 years has been going to massage parlors during his lunch hour. He says it's only for massages and not for sex. I don't believe him. He'd agreed to stop but I soon found he hasn't. He's emotionally controlling and money-minded yet spends on massages. I'm forced to pay the mortgage and our son's education loan. Do I leave him?
Heartbroken
Dear Heartbroken: Your first move is to alert him to how seriously hurt, disappointed and angry you are. Your next move is to see a lawyer and learn your rights regarding the mortgage and the loan. You may find he's not thought about this while being massaged every day or that he's carefree because he's set up these debts with you as the responsible party. Accurate information will help you form your next move if he doesn't stop "parlor-hopping" - either to stop payments or boot him out.
E-mail Ellie at ellie@thestar.ca.
Several Democratic Florida lawmakers on Tuesday announced that they have proposed a bill that would require public schools in the state to include information about contraception and sexually transmitted infections in their health curriculum, the AP/Florida Times-Union reports. State law requires schools only to teach sexual abstinence and that there are "negative consequences" of becoming pregnant, according to the AP/Times-Union.
The new measure, sponsored by Sen. Ted Deutch (D), would require schools to teach abstinence as "the only certain way to avoid pregnancy" or STIs. It also would require that starting in the sixth grade, sex education classes teach about the health benefits and side effects of contraceptives. Supporters of the bill to require more comprehensive sex education have cited a recent survey by the University of Florida that found that sex education programs statewide vary significantly but often include limited information about sex.
The bill, which was filed last month, has not been assigned to a committee. If it were to make it through the Senate committee process, it could be voted on during the regular legislative session in March and April. State Rep. Dorothy Bendross-Mindingall (D) has filed a companion bill in the House.
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Deutch said that abstinence is "the important message to start," adding, "However, it's not simply enough to ... hope that's the only message that's necessary." Sex "is a topic that's being discussed in our schools, on the playground, in the cafeteria, ... in movie theater lobbies, ... in the magazines and on TV," Deutch said, adding, "The only place that it's not being discussed right now is the place where it can really make a difference, and that's in our classrooms."
Valerie Huber, executive director of the National Abstinence Education Association, said that the language of the "bill seems to imply that abstinence education is a narrow 'just say no' message" but that the programs are "much more holistic." She added that the programs provide "education and information on making good decisions." According to Huber, comprehensive sex education programs often preface their teaching with abstinence statements and quickly become focused on contraception (Royse, AP/Florida Times-Union, 1/8).
Reprinted with kind permission from http://www.nationalpartnership.org. You can view the entire Daily Women's Health Policy Report, search the archives, or sign up for email delivery here. The Daily Women's Health Policy Report is a free service of the National Partnership for Women & Families, published by The Advisory Board Company.
Like most teenage girls, Cheryl Tunney is a fan of boy bands, likes chatting to friends on the internet and going out.
However, the unemployed 18-year-old admits to another, horrifying, "hobby".
Since losing her virginity at 16, this young girl claims to have had sex with at least 50 men she picked up on the internet.
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She confesses to not using condoms or other contraceptives during many of her sexual encounters with strangers and claims most were "over in a minute".
Miss Tunney, from Dagenham, Essex, can give the first names of 36 of her partners but the rest have been forgotten - or never known.
She explains with a shrug: "When you sleep with so many, you kind of lose count."
The appalling picture of soulless - and reckless - promiscuity among Britain's youth was revealed in a BBC3 documentary series last night.
In Sex ..... With Mum and Dad, Miss Tunney confesses her sexual tally to her shocked mother, Debbie, but insisted that many girls of her age "slept around", adding: "Girls around here do it all the time."
A revealing picture of Cheryl Tunney on an internet social networking site
The youngster told her 45-year-old mother, who is separated from Cheryl's father, how she picked up men, including a drug dealer, by trawling online dating and networking sites in internet cafes.
Miss Tunney's own listing on Britain's most popular social network website, Bebo, which has 11 million users, most of them teenagers, shows her posing suggestively in a bikini.
Her description of herself tells its own story: "hiya every! my names cheryl im 17 frm essex. im a big mcfly fan as u guessed bt i also like rnb and hip hop. i easy going so if ya wana chat message me and i will reply. luv ya all x x x"
She has 249 "friends" listed - most of them men - including "Jordan" who messaged her to say "yer bbz [babes] your bangin, idd shag ya add me if ya intrested" and Squeak who tells her "hey your hot".
In the documentary, which brings children and parents together for a frank discussion about sex in a bid to mend relationships between the generations, the teenager admitted that some internet contacts asked her to have sex without preamble.
One simply asked: "Do you want to meet for a sh*g?" but she claimed she often made dates and then stood the men up.
Miss Tunney said: "I stated using dating sites with my friends at about the age of 14. We would bunk off school and go to the internet cafe and just flirt with boys online.
"The first time I went to meet one of them we were both 14, but my mum went along with me. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 16 but I have now had about 50 partners."
Miss Tunney added: "That does seem quite a lot in two years."
Ms Tunney has said she will no longer visit internet dating sites
In a televised confrontation with her mother, the teenager drew a series of stick men to represent her dozens of partners and appeared shocked when Debbie Tunney revealed she had only had three sexual partners in her life.
The 18-year-old said: "We had to write our numbers on a board for the show and the initial for each partner's name. I couldn't believe my mum had only had sex with three men.
"It made my number seem really high and it was worse because I could only remember about 40 of their names. I have decided not to sleep around any more."
Astonishingly, given her admission that she did not always use condoms, the young woman tested negative for sexually transmitted diseases.
She said: "That is so weird. How did that happen?"
During sessions with Dutch sexologist Maria Schopman, Miss Tunney claimed she was promiscuous because she was lonely after her parents split up three years ago and was unable to talk about her feelings.
Mother and daughter say they have no regrets about revealing such intimate details on the show but Miss Tunney admitted she was slightly 'nervous' about the reaction.
She said: "I am nervous - I don't want people to think badly of me - but the show had quite a positive effect on me and my relationship with my mum.
"She still doesn't want me sleeping with lots of men and I don't want to, so we get on a lot better.
"I haven't been near an internet dating site since filming the programme. I now want to concentrate on my life an my future and try to make a career in hairdressing."