What Everyone Ought to Know About BDSM

That’s right, acronyms aren’t just for the office anymore – it can be a regular alphabet soup in the bedroom, too.

I’m talking about BDSM - the ultimate antidote to vanilla sex.

Sure sex feels good on its own, but have you ever thought about taking it up a notch, pushing your boundaries? Do you have any freaky fantasies that might be ready to leave your head?

Prepare for a challenge – get off your butt and onto your hands and knees, grab a candle to light the way – but don’t forget to let some of the hot wax drip on your sensitive flesh…

What does BDSM stand for, anyway? The interchangeable initials stand for:

Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism

Let’s expand on the first four now, because S&M deserves an entire article of its own.

As you read through the list, pay attention to your feelings.

Which concepts intrigue you the most and inspire you to place an ad on a fetish site, or buy your partner a pair of shiny steel oiled handcuffs?

Bondage

I can’t remember if my first exposure to bondage was watching the Wonder Woman television show or receiving pink and green paper Chinese handcuffs in a party favor bag, but I know that both of those things had me daydreaming of lassoing that boy who always ran away from me on the playground, or tricking him into being my slave for a day because I had him trapped by his fingers.

Bondage is incorporating restraint into lovemaking.

It’s giving yourself over to the pleasure and entrusting yourself to your partner. Being tied up can feel scary, relaxing, embarrassing, arousing, intense…The sky’s the limit with the emotions that can come into play.

It’s also a great way to utilize neckties now that they aren’t worn in the workplace much anymore. I’m always pleased to visit a friend’s house and see colorful neckties affixed to their bedposts - it’s a sure sign of a healthy sex life.

These days I’ve graduated to nylon rope, which is easily obtained at hardware stores. More discriminating folks in the lifestyle opt for hemp rope, which is available online and in sex shops in a variety of colors.

Discipline

Thank you sir, may I have another?

Discipline is the use of rules and punishment to control the behavior of someone else. A rule can be as simple as not allowing someone to say “thank you” for the evening, and if they transgress, punishment ensues.

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word “punishment”?

Spanking, perhaps? Oh sure, I love a good classic like spanking, but punishment needn’t be physical. BDSM can be extremely creative, not to mention mental.

I have my own personal list of punishments that I like being "forced" to do. Plus my partner is always good at keeping me on my toes. Or on my knees…

Domination/Dominant/Dominatrix/Dom

Also known as the Master, Mistress, Boss, or Top.

A Dom is in charge, gives orders…

A Dom is in charge, gives orders, calls the shots and administers the punishments.

But he or she has to have the right balance of kindness and meanness, kind of like that tough love you hear about when it comes to parenting teenagers.

An example of a good Dom move would be giving the sub a good smack on the rear, then tenderly kissing the sting away.

Does it sound like the Dom can do whatever the hell he or she wants? Think again. Ultimately, the play session is limited to what the sub is willing to do. Communication is king, so discussing ahead of time what is on the sexual menu and what is off limits is critical.

Important note: Being a Dom is not an excuse to be a jerk.

Submission/Submissive/Subordinate/Sub

Also known as the slave or bottom.

Now this is my specialty. I’m a caseb sook submissive – I like being told what to do and get off on being “used". I also like rules-and-punishment mental mind games and serving my Dom.

A sub might toy with being humiliated. Penetration is a big part of being sub. Some subs expect pleasure in return, while other submissive’s only goal is to pleasure their Dom. This is more slave-like behavior.

For me, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I like to see how much pain I can take – I get a sense of accomplishment after a particularly intense session, and I look forward to building up my tolerance. Sometimes I endure an unpleasant experience, such as getting my face smacked or being called dirty names, and find it doesn’t sit well with me at the time it’s happening.

Only later after having a chance to analyze it do I find it to be arousing. It’s like peeling the layers of an onion, right down to the tears you might shed. Intense!

Switch

Some people are only comfortable in one of the roles – Dom or sub. But some people can assume either role, depending on the mood or setting.

Versatile, these are the same folks who do well at large parties and small gatherings, who don’t mind driving or being in the passenger seat, or can watch super-dude action films and chick flicks.

I used to think I was pure sub, but the other night I accidentally stumbled into a “Dom for a day” situation where my partner told me he was at my disposal. I was surprised to find I liked shoving his hands above his head and having my way with him. Who knew?

That’s the beauty of BDSM – it’s a fascinating way to explore yourself and your partner through a perversely intimate power exchange, a way to turn reality upside down and own it on your own terms.

The key to making the dynamic work is trust. Yep, BDSM is like one big trust fall.

Are you ready to let yourself go?